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Excess Weight and Body Fats? Laugh Them All Off
By Ismael Tabije

Have you ever heard of the truism “jokes are half meant”? If you have, do you believe in it? If you have not, then now, you have read of it and maybe if you read on, you’d be able to think of a joke of your own which could be half or full-meant.

I gathered some of the most popular jokes on health and fitness over the Internet and after laughing about them, I thought maybe I could tell something that would prove that these jokes were born out of the sometimes painful and bitter realities of life.

It would really be nice to have a slim and really fit body but not everybody is blessed with such. There are some people, no matter how much food they take, including calories, fats and all, who never gain weight or grow fat. But to those who are blessed with tons of excesses in fats and weight, trimming down is one of the most difficult tasks in the world. Especially if “exercise” and “dieting” are alien terms for them, this humorous analysis of how the human body was arranged is just right:

I don’t exercise at all. If God had wanted me to touch my toes He would have put them up higher on my body.

Sometimes, in the lowest point of your weight-loss campaign wherein only your weight doesn’t go down and the rest, most especially your ego, has dropped down beyond the base, you find ways to console your ultra-bruised and dying ego. And one is to consider that every shape is accepted in the society:

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

And then there’s the matter of aging. To some, the question is: why change the course of time? A person’s age adds up and along with the increase of the age is the gradual decline of the body. It is just a normal process. Why put pressure on yourself and your failing body? Age, time and fats are ganging up on you, three to one:

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat have become such inseparably good friends.

To choose whether to follow what you think or what you feel is another difficult task. It is an honorable and praiseworthy thought of working to get into shape. But, what would you do if the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak?

Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.

And then there are some people whose form of exercise is sharpening their wits. They could utter one-liner wisecracks that could make it to the funniest sitcom on TV:

The only exercise you get is jumping to conclusions.

And who said that only the adults are having a hard time being friendly with exercising? Take a trip to a school PE schedule and you might be surprised to hear some outrageous quips coming from the tots that you think are advocates of physical fitness:

My gym teacher told me to touch my toes. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?”

Excuses are the most popular forms of escape from the campaign towards getting fit and healthy. Here are some excuses that you may have sheepishly used once, twice or maybe more than thrice:

· But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.

· I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish, so I had an ice cream.

· If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

· If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.

· If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

· Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.

· Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

And there’s just the hardheaded approach, the I-really-don’t-care-whether-I’m-fat-or-slim attitude that you may pronounce as a hopeless case. It’s actually very easy to tell, once you hear this line, it’s it:

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

Getting fit and staying healthy is not a laughable matter – or is it? One thing sure is that it isn’t an easy task. It involves determination, hard work and some light moments on the side. After all, laughing – for a long period – can help shake those excess fats off. And even the doctors agree it’s the world’s best medicine.

The writer, Ismael Tabije, is the editor of the book, “The Man Who Grew Younger: Secrets to Natural Fitness and Beauty”. This book, which can be accessed at http://www.growyounger.e-mart4all.com, has complete descriptions and illustrations showing unique but proven effective exercises for maintaining youth and total vitality. He also runs the related website, http://www.fitness.e-mart4all.com, a wide collection of health and fitness e-books written by world-renowned fitness experts and authors.

Carol Solomon

One of the mistakes people make is turning a lapse into a relapse.

We all have lapses.

How well you manage it depends on how you think about it, what you focus on and what you do afterwards.

First, think about it as a temporary lapse, not as a relapse that erases everything you have been working for. If you think about it in this way, you will be less likely to go into a downward spiral with eating.

Second, focus on getting back on track as quickly as possible. Do not give yourself permission to keep eating since you “have already blown it”.

This is an excuse.

Be realistic – we all get off track many, many times over the course of getting to where we want to be.

Accept it.

This is a normal and natural path.

There is also a lot to learn in getting OFF the path.

You can learn what DOESN’T work, what triggers your eating, and you have an opportunity to create a new strategy for that situation in the future.

So don’t sabotage yourself.

Third, just like when you have an angry outburst, what you do afterwards is often more important than what you have already done.

That means thinking clearly, acting rationally, being kind and recovering as quickly as possible. You may be upset or frustrated with your own behavior, but it is not the end of the world.

It can be fixed.

You can get right back on the path without too much damage done. So FORGIVE YOURSELF and keep taking steps toward your goal.

Count as a win your ability to recover quickly, and keep going.

Carol Solomon, Ph.D. is a psychologist and personal coach who specializes in helping people who want to lose weight and eliminate food and weight issues.

By going from food obsessive to charge neutral (i.e. Did I eat today?), she became dedicated to making it easy for others to step off the vicious cycle and live free of anxiety about food and weight.

She is the author of “Lose Weight Now Stay Slim Forever,” a practical “how-to” manual for learning to lose weight without dieting.

Sign up for her free email newsletter, Slim Forever at: http://www.lose-weight-now-stay-slim-forever.com
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